You may have noticed that Freddy has been missing for the past couple of days. This is because Freddy was travelling through time and space, working on his research report on the evolution of Awesomeness – A report that aims to detail the changing definitions of Awesome over time, since the origin of man. Some of Freddy’s trips have been quite successful while others have resulted in some unexpected mishaps. Yesterday Freddy aimed to travel to the dark ages but a glitch in the time vortex sent him all the way back to the Cretaceous Period where he encountered herds of carnivorous dinosaurs. He returned to the present a few moments later with a Velociraptor that he befriended and taught to fetch. The Velociraptor soon died of Meningitis.
The project has been quite successful however, with Freddy discovering that an Awesome man in the stone ages was one who could drag, back to his cave, more than 7 women at a time after the bi-weekly pool party at the local swamp where women got high by licking toads and men got their fix by punching each other in the knee-caps. Awesome women were ones who had more than 3 inches of armpit hair. Since those prehistoric times, the definition of Awesome got refined with the invention of the wheel, the development of meaningful communication and the discovery that silent farts smell more than loud ones. Then came the time of Jesus where the definition of awesome changed drastically with Christ’s greatest ever party trick – turning water into wine. After his crucifixion there was a long period of non-awesomeness as no one could replicate Christ’s Alcoholchemy. As the memory faded, awesome was redefined to suit non-Jesus like men. There was a time when conquering lands was considered awesome, there was a time when inventing things was awesome, there was also a time when running around naked was awesome. It is for these reasons that Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, Isaac Newton, Archimedes, Shivaji, Kermit the frog and Yogi bear have all been awesome.
We asked Freddy if we could join him on his next time-travelling expedition but he said it was too dangerous. Instead, he offered to let us shoot him while he initiated the time-travelling process, saying that the visual display of a time-travelling vortex was so brilliantly therapeutic that it is believed to be the only known cure for Elephantiasis, Religious belief and a broken heart. We caught this shot just as the particles of time flared up to disintegrate Freddy into a million pieces, transport him through the fabric of time and reassemble him at Woodstock 1969.
Views to Confuse 